Tr*mp dodged a near-death episode last week when his Marine One helicopter flew within a mile of a passenger jet during takeoff. But Tr*mp’s appointment in Samarra may yet be at hand—literally! The troubling hand bruising we’ve discussed at length seems to be winning its war on the elderly president’s weakening immune system.
In January, the world looked on as Tr*mp’s swelling hand—allegedly due to frequent aspirin use, handshaking, and several other nonsense reasons—turned a deep plum color after a visit from Angel of Death Liz Truss. By April, the same purple swelling could now be seen on both the president’s hands. Now, it looks like the bruising is making swift progress along Tr*mp’s forearm after a photo from a New Jersey golf tournament surfaced over the weekend.
Usually, Tr*mp doesn’t show us too much skin—perhaps the one merciful act of his presidency. But the weekend heat gave viewers a look at the disturbing series of bruises sneaking up Tr*mp’s right arm as he golf carted around the green.
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“It’s no longer just on the back of his hand,” Aaron Parnas said of the 80-year-old man who debuted a brand new wig last week. It’s also not the only troubling symptom viewers have identified in recent weeks, as “dementia face” accusations and mid-meeting naps continue to be reliable earmarks of “Dozing Donald’s” second term.
But a new gesture accompanies the latest health scare. According to observers, Tr*mp has a strange new stim where he slaps the side of his leg with the bruised hand.
At least, it could be a stim—or it could be “an underlying neurological condition, or a behavioral manifestation of cognitive decline,” according to the increasingly unreliable, AI-penned top Google result. As usual, none of us are doctors, so we don’t know. It could be nothing, especially since elderly individuals tend to bruise easily. But it also could be something. Whatever it is, we know the White House’s official claim that Tr*mp is “the sharpest, most accessible, and energetic president in American history” is pretty easily disproven.
Tr*mp has consistently bragged about passing his health exams with flying colors, but the release of a report on the president’s health earlier this year did more harm than good. The “PR language” used in the document raised alarm bells in certain professionals. One former White House doctor, Jonathan Reiner, called BS on the whole operation in the wake of DementiaGate. Reiner pointed out that while Tr*mp was boasting about “aceing” his IQ test, the test in question was actually a dementia screening tool. Reiner—who served as Dick Cheney’s personal doctor during the VP’s term—also pointed out that certain tools used in the exam, such as an “AI-enhanced cardiogram”, weren’t for standard clinical use.
Lying about his health, however, is par for the course for Tr*mp, who tends to lie about most things. The strange part here is that while he’s (thankfully) abandoned his usual tactic of covering up the bruises with non-matching foundation, he’s sending mixed messages. Maybe he thought that we’d all be too busy staring at his new wig to notice the creeping horror climbing up his arm. Fat chance! For a community in desperate need of some hopecore, any new sign of mortality is going to be taken and run with, and Tr*mp’s current body horror is no exception.
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