One thing we’ve learned from 90s teen comedies is that it’s never too late for a makeover. Yassification is our God-given right, and basically an unspoken promise of the Constitution.
Unless, of course, you’re D*n*ld Tr*mp, who forfeited his right to serve long ago. Though surprisingly that hasn’t stopped him from debuting a new look that’s left the general public scratching their heads. Because girl…is that a new wig? “I’ve Had It” podcaster Jennifer Welch, as usual, was first on the scene. Coming back from vacation, Welch noted that “the president, to my surprise, is wearing a new wig” in a Fox News interview.
Late last week, the emperor debuted his alleged new piece—as well as a totally altered hairline—to a confused, queasy public. Either that, or a new dye job that’s a full-on departure from his aggressively brassy look. But it doesn’t quite track that an 80-year-old man would suddenly discover the magic of toner. It’s a lot more likely that his real hair—a longtime trademark—is on its back nine. It’s not quite as egregious as that time Stephen Miller spray-painted his hairline for primetime, but it’s pretty close.
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Viewers first noticed the change on Wednesday, during the president’s speech in Nevada. “At first, I didn’t believe it,” commentator Harry Sisson said. “But when you look at some of these photos, it does look off.”
An understatement, surely. For a man so defined by his hair, the rebranding is an interesting choice for an 80-year-old man on a career decline. “Obviously that’s not his real hair,” Welch noted. “We’ve all seen how thinning it is, so now we’re at the stage in this ridiculous clown car where he’s putting a wig on and walking out into public.”
But as usual with any MAGA rebrand, it backfired instantly. Because instead of focusing on Tr*mp’s latest talking points—a tired rehashing of his favorite conspiracy theories, “transgender surgeries for illegal aliens,” all anyone can actually focus on is the cotton candy attached to his skull.
If the wig was meant as a planned distraction, it’s working. Don Lemon went the extra mile and shared before and after pics. The before showed a balding Tr*mp well on his way to a skullet. The new photos give us this surprisingly light, wispy look that’s fooling absolutely no one. Transplant? Toupée? Whatever we’re seeing here, it ain’t pretty. In fact, as many posters have noted, it’s harking back to Tr*mp’s mother’s famously be-wigged look—and let’s be real, she couldn’t sell it either.
Here’s the thing: there is nothing wrong with wearing a wig, as any of our Drag Race sisters can tell us. Wigs are a fierce, wonderful thing and the queer community embraces them wholeheartedly. But if you’re D*n*ld Tr*mp, an active threat to LGBTQ+ rights, it’s stolen valor. Talking about how much you hate gender-affirming care while sporting a very noticeable piece of your own gender-affirming care is pretty bold, even for Tr*mp.
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