We’ve recently covered the phenomenon of “D appointments” and why guys in open relationships love making them. But now, we’re adding a twist.
What if those guys making said “D appointments” don’t think they’re in an open relationship at all?
On Reddit, a gay bro came to the community with a question: “My husband of 8 years officially asked me to normalize having sex with other guys, but claims we are not open?”
How about we take this to the next level?
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He explained that up until recently, he and his hubby would have fun with guys separately at saunas–but never play anywhere else. Now, his husband has suggested bringing boys back to their own homes. (Yes, they are married and live apart. We’ll get to that in a moment.)
“I asked him if that means we’re in an open relationship now, and he was very clear that, in his opinion, this is not an open relationship, but simply sex with no strings attached,” he said. “They come over, have sex, and leave. No dates, no messaging apart from arranging the hookup, and no emotional involvement.”
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While open relationships are surging in popularity, they remain shrouded in ambiguity. For every “open couple,” the term seems to carry a different definition. And that’s healthy! When it comes to successful open relationships, the most important rules are honesty and, well, open communication.
On that front, the randy Redditor and his hubby appear to be on the same page. But then again, his husband claims they’re not actually open.
A commenter replied that he may be confusing open relationships with polyamory, where partners typically invest emotionally in other people.
The same commenter added that “almost every gay person” he knows would refer to their current arrangement–having sex with other guys–as open.
Circling back to “D appointments,” that certainly seems to be agreed upon understanding.
On Reddit, somebody said the couple seems to have an “open relationship with rules,” which we would hope applies to all relationships, open or otherwise. Another mentioned his partner seems fixated on the “no strings attached” element.
But still, having NSA hookups with people outside of your relationship is open. “No two open relationships look the same,” the person added.
Exactly!
The same can be said for marriages. The Redditor says that he and his hubby live separately because they’re waiting for their new place to be built. His husband says they will cease inviting other people over at that point, because it “won’t be appropriate.”
Though that may seem like semantics, some couples view their home as a sacred space. Earlier this summer, we covered the traumatic tale of a man who came home to find his husband in their bed with three other guys. Though the couple is open, the man says his hubby’s unsanctioned four-way represented a gross breach of trust.
Certainly, he would’ve preferred the four-way happen somewhere besides where he rests his head at night.
Regardless, several Redditors were troubled that the man’s husband seems intent on constantly redefining their relationship. Eventually, the poster provided an update.
He says he “confronted” his husband about the issue. They both agreed they are indeed in an open relationship, and should “call things what they are.”
We love a happy ending!
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