A new daddy feels guilty about all of the twinks who are now tearing down his door.
On Reddit, a self-described “decent looking” guy who just turned 40 says he’s suddenly drowning in young 20-somethings. And he doesn’t know how to feel.
On one hand, he’s flattered at the attention. But on the other hand, he’s weary of capitalizing on their youth and inexperience. Though he finds young guys attractive, he wouldn’t consider dating one. “I feel I should take advantage of a bunch of hot 23 year olds who want to willingly F me,” he said, “but I can’t help feeling kinda weird or kinda like a cliche.”
He adds that he was exclusively chatting with young guys on Grindr the other night, despite having no interest in a long-term connection. “Why am I not talking to guys my own age?” he asked. “Why am I suddenly flirting w/ say, a 22 year old who feels like a young 22?”
How about we take this to the next level?
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Umm… that’s because it’s Grindr! Hookup apps were practically made for flirting with thirsty 20-somethings!
But in all seriousness, what the Reddit poster describes is a common phenomenon. Many men reach middle age only to find they’re more in demand than ever. Stable and secure, they approach the world with confidence. 25 year olds can smell their suavity.
From Matt Bomer to Ricky Martin, gays have long been in their “Daddy Era.”
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Many commenters advised Mr. “40 and Frisky” to enjoy the flattery. “They’re adults and they’re pursuing you,” somebody added. “I don’t think there’s a problem as long as you aren’t a [jerk] to them.”
Indeed, several Redditors cited “duty of care.” As the older partner, the onus is on him to set the boundaries and expectations.
“The fact that you’re questioning your motives instead of treating younger guys like trophies actually says a lot,” another person pointed out. “If you don’t want to date someone that young, don’t—but if a 22–24-year-old wants a casual hookup and you both know what it is, there’s no reason to feel guilty.”
Out of all the gay discourse topics, age-gap relationships remains one of the most fraught. While there can be a power imbalance–and undoubtedly some age-gap relationships have a very dark side–there’s also strength in subverting societal expectations.
As Queerty‘s Henry Giardina put it, queer people have lived outside of the law for centuries. Pursuing nontraditional romantic relationships is part of that legacy.
Besides, the notion of a “gold digger” is misogynistic in the worst way. It calls back to a toxic stereotype that a younger person–and in most cases, a younger woman–would only want to involve themselves with an older person for money.
The author Tony Silva, who wrote a book about the dynamics between older and younger men, says that’s just not true.
“I think in wider society, there’s a stereotype that younger people might be interested in older folks just because of money, which is definitely not the case here,” he previously told Queerty. ““Younger men said they found older men very physically attractive: gray hair, silver, beards, salt and pepper hair.”
Conversely, as our fresh-faced Daddy notes, there is an older man prototype who wines and dines his younger objects of desire, only to discard them when hormonally satisfied.
Regardless of age, the most important aspect of any relationship is mutual respect. A generational gap doesn’t void common rules of decency.
As long as Daddies and twinks treat each other well, we don’t see a problem.
Happy hunting!
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