Someone is always watching…
Once meant for the eyes of family and friends, social media is now an algorithmic free-for-all where anybody’s posts can end up in anybody’s feed. For those seeking attention and affirmation (not necessarily bad traits), that can be great.
But other times, it can backfire. Earlier this summer, there was this horrible trend on X of gays piling on each other over the composition of their friend groups. Suddenly, gays who were just posting innocent group pics turned into the day’s “Main Character.” Not good!
With all of the vitriol out there, some people understandably prefer to keep their online behavior on the DL. But others keep on posting, including the author of this piece. The digital slot machine is too enticing.
How about we take this to the next level?
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This week, we asked Queerty readers how much of themselves they share online. Here’s what they had to say…
How much do you show on social media and why?
Me and my Birthday Suit (if you’ve got it, flaunt it)! — Mark in Kirkintilloch, Glasgow
I show everything! — Charles in New York
We start with two men who bare it all. Mark and Charles are clearly not concerned with leaving digital footprints, and honestly, good for them. It’s not blackmail if you look smokin’ hot, right?!
I recently made the decision to switch my “close friends” to gay only. It was the best decision I ever made. Now, I’m uninhibited. — Derek in San Diego
On a similar note, Derek occupies a middle ground. He doesn’t want to show everyone his birthday suit… just gays on his “close friends.”
Indeed, Instagram’s “close friends” function is a gay treasure trove. For many, the bar of admittance is set at: “Are you gay?”
Open to close friends and distant acquittances alike, the feature is fertile ground for flirting. Next time your crush posts a speedo pic, send over some fleeting affection. Maybe he’ll return the favor… 
It depends on how many drinks I’ve had. If I’ve left the bars and want a little action, you may see something. — Justin in D.C.
It sounds like Justin needs to add us to his “close friends!”
When social media was for keeping in touch with friends and acquaintances, I used to post all of them. But now, I get swallowed by the algorithm. Posts to the grid on IG conjure maybe a few dozen likes, even though I have hundreds of followers. The lack of engagement makes me feel bad. It’s not worth it! — Ryan in Ottawa
Ryan speaks to a real phenomenon. Social media used to be, you know, social. Now, it’s parasocial: people follow their favorite influencers and mindlessly scroll through random videos.
TikTok changed the landscape with its “For You” algorithm, and every platform has followed suit. Regular people gain far less traction than brands and influencers. Please, Ryan, save us from the abyss!
“Vacation pics, husband pics and dog pics. If you look at my Instagram, you would think I live the wholesome life. All the good stuff happens offline, as they say ;)” — Jeremy in Dallas
Jeremy may show pics of his dog. His pup, however, is another matter. 
I show it all. Social media used to be fun! It was about sharing your life and having fun. I feel it has become boring with people posting opinions or such curated content. I want the fun back! We don’t need the models. We want to see real people being fun and naughty. Creates connection and intimacy with people, friends etc. Life is too short to be boring. — Michael in Orlando, Florida
In contrast to Ryan, Michael takes us back to a simpler time. Be free Michael, and most importantly, be fun! Lexi Featherstone would be proud.
Absolutely nothing that can identify me or my family. Don’t get me wrong, what you do is what you do. I have family for whom social media is the cornerstone to their income generation; they need to generate and post content. I have never realized that need with any of the platforms.
Onto the why: I learned the lesson several years ago when someone on Facebook extrapolated my home address from photos I posted of our house and posted the address on a local right wing social media thread. We were the subject of DOXXING for several months following. — Rad in Rhode Island
That’s terrible, Rad! We’re happy you’re safe, and still sending in notes to the Queerty Query. Relatedly, Rad’s doxxing experience reminds me of a couple from my hometown in Massachusetts that was stalked by eBay goons after critically covering the online marketplace for years on their own blog. They were recently awarded a $55.7 million settlement.
“Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.” (Buddha) — George in Chicago
Wait, so you mean the Buddha recommended just posting through it? Awesome. (According to Google, Buddha never actually said that, but I digress…)
Nothing. I have a blank alt account to view content. But I like my life to be private and offline. Makes me feel uneasy to have strangers on the internet peer into my life and icky around the validation people seek with gaining followings. I don’t have the bandwidth for other people’s views about me. They have to keep it to themselves if I’m not seeking it. — Caeden in Sydney
Lurking, lurking, lurking… but never posting. There are enough torsos out there. — Brian in Hoboken, New Jersey
We call that social media window shopping: looking but never posting.
I am happy and fulfilled with a loving partner and family. I don’t feel the need to post for strangers’ affection. — Adam in Pennsylvania
I deleted all my social media accounts in 2022. Instagram gave me body dysmorphia, Facebook became a cesspool of conspiracies and Musk took over Twitter. My mental health has improved and I couldn’t be happier. — Peter in Melbourne, Australia
May Adam and Peter’s self-confident and security find us one day. In the meantime, we’ll keep posting for external validation, thank you very much!
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What are your favorite gay love stories?
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